Si je passe par tes poumons, j'envahirais ta cervelle Un monde abstrait je t'ouvrirais et je serais ta sage passerelle Regarde-moi, obeis-moi et pense un peu sans intérêt, inversement, à travers un oeil tridimensionnel Savoure ton sens du goûter, savoure les sons te murmurer Qu'en cet instant, tu es en transe Mais dans deux heures, rien de tout cela n'aura d'importance C'est ma présence qui mène au plaisir, au désir et la paranoia Tout cela prce que je me prénome Marie-Jeanna
Plusieurs êtres ont vu l'énergie de la succombe provenir de mon charme La passion d'adoration et la sensation du bien-être, c'est mon horrible infime arme Par ma faute, tant de gens sont scellés par un baiser...ou bien plus encore C'est mon rôle tel Cupidon de les saisir, cibler tout droit dans leur coeur...entraîner l'inclination ou la mort Honnêtement, je suis si vénrée par ceux qui se noyent dans mes bras Et ce n'est absolument pas pour rien que je porte le nom de MDMA
Tant de fois, dans pleins de corps mon existence a été introduite Pour tant de raisons, de tant de façons je suis illégale, je suis intérdite Prononcer mon nom ne vous offre que mon identité, mais pas ma nature Je fais des ravages, j'affaiblis...pourquoi me prends-tu pour une pure? Je me propage, je m'étends, je me manifeste telle une vermine Sur cette note d'agression et de repugnance, je m'appelle Ketamine
Puis un jour, j'ai faite connaissance de l'acide, la speed et la cocaine Tout cela s'est faite grâce au fait que je suis sortie de ma tribue...d'un baggy d'une certaine Amandine C'était un soir ou les étoiles folataient sur la Kalinka En cet instant, j'ai pénétré les narines en compagnie de la cocaine Tandis que ma copine la speed s'infiltrait par une bouche, des lèvres si fines C'était une boume, une fête, un party qu'on a déclanché...en tout cas
Et ces heures qui s'écoulaient dans un rave malade et insensé Et nos corps chimique se dissolvaient dans un flux rougeâtre et rythmé Dans ce sang d'un être psychique, une pulsion psychédélique A paru boucler sa gloire et son sort d'un léger click Une injection dans les veines a cédé place a l'héroine Et ce fut l'arrêt de notre fun et des battements de coeur d'Amandine
Et c'est ainsi qu'on réalise ce qu'est la drogue et que c'est la cause De notre âme qui flanche, d'une conscience qui déraille et d'une mort d'overdose
Worshiping lust, the greed and hate The sin we all will tolerate Because no choice is left to you The old is dead, you can't break through We pray the sorrow to your brain Your soul will never be as saint I spread the evil through your veins Intoxication never fails I'm on a track, the gates are open Till they fall down, my blood is frozen I hold my breath, my lungs are rotten My eyes, they bleed...the bones are broken
And darkness I left. That's what I though at the beginning of my wonderful adventure of joy and none stopping laugh. Except I was wrong at some point..
I programmed my brain to always be positive, come back to positivity no matter what. It was always the case until I realized that my perception of the world changed. There's so many things that I've came to realize - it stops me from living properly. My brain is fucked and hopes are down.
As we could say, my walls are running down to nowhere. I'm left without feelings, with an emptiness that only has the knowledge that there's dysfunctions all around us. So I felt like coming back again.
I don't know if the smile will bright this page anytime soon, especially because my thoughts about the sweet tasty death are coming back. Because for months and months, I knew I didn't like our world. It didn't have a meaning to me. I was always escaping to a world only I or a few have access too. So now, it's a start to my madness again..
A long time ago, I used to believe in people that would be there for me, some sort of angels. I was looking around me and thinking I really had some when in reality, I was only mistaking. As time went by, dark times came to see me again, hunt me and ruin big parts of my life. I was loosing faith in everything; I was thinking that my path was to feel what life was and suffer from it.
I was laying on my bed, facing my deep and dark thoughts and coming to self ending conclusions. I didn't want to ask for help from any of my friends because I tried to contact one and he didn't take seriously what I was feeling. I also didn't believe in friends that would say that they would be there for me and help me. It's only lies that everyone made up. They're faking so many relationships from nowdays. Except, I still decided to give a try and text a friend for some help. I wasn't expecting much. Boy I was wrong.
I texted my best friend. To me, he wasn't really the type of guy that would seriously help, just try to cheer up a bit. Plus, we became close a weird way. But I still decided to tell him how I felt, what I was thinking. A miracle happened afterwards.
First, he asked me to call him so he could understand the whole story in details. When I was done, he was trying so hard to make me feel better. You could seriously feel in his words and voice how much he actually cared and wanted me to feel happy. I think I never really had a friend that cared that much.
So there you go, I was loosing everything, but someone was there for me. I only want to say that you should open your eyes and whenever you need help, try to talk about it to someone that you usually wouldn't. We never know who our angels are. They exist on Earth and they're there to help. They have angels to. Everyone is connected. Who knows, you may be an angel to someone else.
It is excessivly hard to live on Earth. I feel like it's something way to big to experience and a way long trip you want to leave quit fast. It hits so bad when you realise what world actually is, at least to you. People say that everything's possible. That means the impossible is possible as well. So as describing the meaning of life and what life actually is and how we're supposed to live it. It's been a while since I didn't feel like I'm having a connection with this life. I never really had. When I was younger, I didn't care about anything. I was an innocent child with no purpose in life that was doing the basic things a child would do. Then, I started growing up. I had a miserable youth, but at the end, I became happy. I was so happy I could cry every single time I was thinking about how lucky I was, as pathetic as that. Even when I was happy, I didn't feel the connection. But I didn't care, I mean, I was enjoying the little pleasures in life that turned my existence into something worth it. Slowly, my dark thoughts came back. Of course, I knew thinking about them would make it even worse. At some point, it was possible to be positive, but....something was still bugging me. At this moment, I knew that I can't live the life that I'm sharing with other people. I can only live in my world, which doesn't last long enough. Or simply leave. Some find death as the end of the world for them. Others think it's simply a next step. Well I think it's a door to another world. Probably a better world or a simple escape from what we're living. If we think about it, it's actually really easy to open it and find out what's behind it. But life always charms you with something and make you stay. And let you suffer more and more. Especialy when you think you've got the answer, the key to to where you really should be. I feel like I can't take it. Each day slaps me right in the face with the fact I have a routine, I have to deal with SO much. And the fact that even the happiest things I've had suddenly became a horror to me.
Because of a goddamn system, people don't have the same definition of life. They either live for cash, for a good education they way the system told them to. People do not realize they're completly blind. How many of us do actually know that at first, we were supposed to be free creatures? How comes we're suffering, stressing out and trying our best to fit somewhere, to find a job, to have a good education? We can't even live somewhere without someone's permission. We cannot drink wherever we want, we cannot be somewhere at this time....we're controlled. We became some pathetic machines. The majority of us are just clones of our race. How many of you dream of love, peace and self expression and freedom? Apparently, my hopes for a better and real world don't have their place here. But I want to know...who's with me? Is there anyone dreaming of Heaven on Earth? Because right now, it's only Hell.
We all have or had a person in our life that was meant to break a little piece of us. Somehow, we find someone in our life that will try to tear us down and make us hate that special creature. Some do hate, some don't. Lucky are those who have found a way to escape, to fight and to be the opposite of their hurt. I finally made it and escaped. I had too fight for it...I won. Except, I can't change the fact I'm so similar to that one person. ...because it's my mother.
No matter if I want to or not, a little piece of her will be part of me. No matter how far I live from her, she was the one that raised me. Subconsciously, I make the same moves she does, the same expressions and maybe decisions. Of course, I changed and I act differently. But sometimes, there's this time where you look at yourself and you see the one you used to hate in you.. I don't even know if the choices I take are the way I'm feeling or the viscious circle that I'm in acsording to my family. I'm not someone who's afraid to take risks, I just don't want to be the person I wish wasn't related to me.
Of course, I can't deny the fact that physically we have something in common. It freaks me out. There's time I don't even want to look at some pictures or the mirror knowing that a piece of her will appear. I know I'll have to fight with this "fear", but it's outstanding to look at the truth.
Since I won't be able to see her bright side, I'll have to deal with the fact a part of her is growing in me..